A separation is a traumatic event for all de jure family members (husband, wife, and children), affecting extended families. In some cases, the separation may result in reconciliation between the separated couple. In others, there may be no reconciliation or any reunification. Few factors differentiate these groups from each other; factors such as personality traits of the couple, culture and traditions, divorce laws, religious beliefs, and norms affect the reconciliation process. Both husband and wife desire reconciliation, but it requires mutual willingness to resolve problems. Generally, women want to save their marriage; they wish to maintain familial relations for social and economic reasons and avoid losing their children. Especially in Middle Eastern societies, women welcome reconciliations because they desire to maintain family structure and not become socially stigmatized. Women do not want to lose the material support provided by their husbands.
Signs of Reconciliation After Separation
Communication doesn’t die down completely
One of the most important factors determining whether a couple will reconcile after separation is communication. If a couple communicates, they will resolve their problems and thus reconcile. The presence of barriers prevents the free flow of information between partners, which fuels arguments. In some cases, verbal arguments escalate into physical violence or emotional abuse depending on the nature of the relationship shared by the couple.
Re-establishing communication with your ex-husband requires effort from both sides; it ensures that you have a way to solve issues in the future. Communication does not mean that everything about your spouse’s life must be shared with you, but mutual respect prevails over all other factors.
The external pressures are negated
External pressures that affect a couple’s relationship are mainly of two types: social and financial. In some cases, external pressures turn out to be so great that partners get physically separated from each other. However, there is no hard and fast rule about it because different people react differently to pressure from family or society, especially when they need to prove themselves. It all comes down to one’s self-esteem; if it is strong, they will be able to stand up against family pressure and focus on their primary goal of re-establishing communication with a spouse.
Both partners are willing to resolve the issues
Generally, the husband should take the first step to reconcile with his wife. Women are more willing to reconcile with their husbands because they know that men feel the pressure of society and financial problems more than women do. For example, many Muslim mothers would like their sons to re-marry so that they can continue living in marital bliss even after the woman is gone.
Here elderly parents play an important role; they generally bear the emotional burden of separation on behalf of their children. Sometimes fathers may go to great lengths to reconcile with estranged sons or daughters. It is not easy for husbands to make the first move because men are socialized so that they feel more responsible for providing material comforts like shelter etc.
Parents are still willing to help
Children always play an important role in reuniting estranged spouses. Sometimes, the couple’s children try to take their parents back together because they miss living with both of them. If both parents are willing, there is a good chance that they will be able to work out their problems to better their children.
Trust has not died down completely
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If partners can re-establish trust, they will be able to resolve problems that led them to divorce in the first place. It takes time, effort, and lots of patience for couples which means marriage counseling helps if needed. Mutual understanding and sympathy help a lot in re-establishing trust because it ensures that one does not hold grudges against the other person.
The couples have a life plan together
The divorce rate among younger people is skyrocketing. There are several factors as to why this happens, but lack of a plan is one of the main reasons for failed marriages. When a couple has different views about their future, they have different expectations, bringing significant differences between the partners. It further leads to misunderstandings, and one of them usually feels that their life is going down the wrong path. Reconciliation after separation requires emotions, too, because only when two people can communicate with each other well will they understand each other’s expectations from life.
The divorce was due to a small matter
If the reason for separation is a trifle, it becomes easier for couples to reconcile because they both feel that there is still hope for their relationship. In such cases, reconciliation will require patience and understanding from both sides.
It is hard to make someone change their view about staying separated because people usually feel that they are not ready for the emotional upheavals of reconciliation after separation. However, if someone is determined to reconcile with their spouse, there are several ways it can be done. First and foremost, women should try to understand the pain that was felt by their husbands when they said, “I QUIT!”. Generally, men show more emotions and understand the need to reconcile with their spouses. However, both partners must be willing and ready for reconciliation for it to work out.
The couple tries to meet each other halfway
It isn’t easy to reconcile if one partner feels that they have given everything and the other party is unwilling to meet him halfway. In such cases, life becomes tough because a person can’t give something they do not have. If both partners are willing to meet each other halfway, reconciliation after separation becomes easier, and the couple can work towards a better future.
The divorce happened due to a third party
The old saying “a third person split up our marriage” holds in several cases because it is tough for any couple to overcome such obstacles. In this case, reconciliation requires both sides because if one partner does not understand the other, trust will only get weaker, and the situation becomes more complex.
People generally require time out to clear their heads after ending a relationship. If both partners are willing to reconcile, they need to do it for their children’s sake because living in a broken family is not easy on any child. It just takes patience and re-establishing mutual trust for reconciliation after separation to work out.
The fight was mainly due to anger
It is challenging for people to control their temper. There are several couples whose marriages ended up in divorce because they could not control their tempers and say things that hurt the other party badly. If both partners know the reason behind their separation, they should talk things out and make amends. If there is anger in the heart, then reconciliation after separation will be equally painful for both sides because people who get hurt by each other’s words usually do not feel like making up with the person again.
People also go through a state of mind where they feel that the divorce was their only way out of a relationship which has become painful. In such cases, it is crucial to understand each other’s point of view and, if they want, offer a second chance to the relationship.
The couple needs a third party
In some cases, couples who have decided to part ways need a third party to help them go through reconciliation. It can be a counselor, friend, or relative, and both parties need to realize that the other person needs support as well.
People undergo an emotional breakdown when they find out that their spouses have filed for a divorce. In such cases, reconciliation after separation requires patience and understanding from both sides because the other party will need some time to think things over.
When there is forgiveness
Both parties need to forgive after the divorce, regardless of what has happened. It helps them move on without holding any grudges or hard feelings because once the pain subsides, it enables people to feel lighter. People who are willing to reconcile must tell themselves that the other person cannot be held responsible for all their mistakes, and they have to stop blaming them for everything that went wrong.
People who love each other unconditionally are the ones who are most likely to reconcile after separation because they know that things are not always bad. There is a time when they felt happy being together. If people have strong feelings for each other, reconciliation holds better chances of success because it helps them understand and accept each other.
Animosity is replaced with empathy
It may sound harsh to tell initially, but hatred gives way to empathy and acceptance. Once people accept each other and understand their mistakes, they can move forward with their lives.
Several people realize that it was their fault because everything went wrong between them, making reconciliation after separation easier for both parties. If they both can let go of the blame game, it will be easier for them to get back together. Both parties need to start afresh without thinking about all the unpleasant things which happened in the past because it will only make reconciliation after separation more difficult.
Signs Your Ex-Partner Wants to Get Back With You After a Divorce
They’re being too nice to you
Your ex-partner might be trying to be too nice to you if they want to get back together. When people feel guilty for their actions, they try to make up by being extra kind and caring towards others. They might think that it is the easiest way of getting back into your good books. However, if you notice such behavior, you should understand that it is not genuine.
They only want to be your friend
If your ex-partner wants to be your friend but continues to flirt with you, they are trying to get back into your life. If the person genuinely wanted to be friends, they would have suggested it right away instead of keeping quiet for a few months. If you are sure that your ex-partner still has feelings for you, their unwillingness to move out of the friend zone should worry you.
They boast about how well they’re doing
If your ex-partner is trying to get back with you after a divorce, they might start bragging about all the new things that they have got in their life. They might try to show you that they don’t need you anymore and how well they are doing without you. However, if your ex-partner has a fair idea about what is going on in your life, it is almost apparent for them to start boasting since they also know precisely how unhappy you are.
They don’t want to let you go
If your ex-partner wants to reconcile after a divorce, they will show signs of not wanting to let you go, even if it is for your good. They might try and reach out to you by asking how you’re doing and what you’re up to at every given opportunity. If they are so desperate to get back together with you, they will try and see you as often as possible, even if it is not in their best interests.
They want to keep in touch with you
If your ex-partner wants to get back to you after a divorce, they will try and keep in touch with you. They might send texts or messages telling you about their day or ask about yours. If they are so determined to be in your life again, they will find any excuse possible just so that they can stay connected to you.
They want to know your schedule
If your ex-partner is trying to get back together with you after a divorce, they will be very interested in knowing when and where you are at all times of the day. If there is no reason for them to know about your whereabouts, they might ask very personal questions or try and find out your schedule by hook or crook. They might call you up and ask where you are or what you’re doing at that moment in time since they will want to know everything about you.
They visit frequently without an excuse
If your ex-partner wants to get back together with you after a divorce, they might start dropping by your house more often. They might even show up at your work just so that they can have a few minutes with you without having to come up with an excuse for being there. If they are trying hard to get back into your life, they will make sure that they spend as much time with you as possible.
They’re interested in your dating life
If your ex-partner wants to reconcile after a divorce, they will be very interested in who you are seeing or dating. If they know that there is no chance of getting back together with you, they won’t care about your personal life. However, if the person is still interested in starting over again with you even after all this time, they will make it a point to ask you about your personal life.
They admit their past mistakes
If your ex-partner tries to get back together with you after a divorce, they will admit their past mistakes. If the person knows exactly why the marriage broke up in the first place, they might tell you that it was because of them and apologize for all their misdoings. However, if this is just a ploy to get back together, the person might use vague excuses instead.
They talk about a future together
If your ex-partner wants to reconcile after a divorce, they will go out of their way to talk about the future with you. If the person is not serious about getting back together with you, they won’t care much about your plans. However, if your ex-partner is planning for a future with you even after all this time, they will probe into what you are doing now and how that impacts who you are as a person.
If you are trying to reconcile with your ex-partner after divorce, you might want to note these signs of reconciliation. Your ex-partner could be trying to get back into your life because they still care for you or because they don’t want to lose you.