This article is an epistle to any woman, or man for that matter, who’s tired of the financially nonchalant partner. While many people say it takes two incomes to survive in today’s world, there are some spouses out there who don’t want to work unless they’re forced into it by their significant other. If you’re tired of financially supporting your spouse and want to find some ways to motivate him/her, we can help.
Tired of Financially Supporting My Husband – What To Do
Tell Him Your Needs
In this situation, the best thing you can do is to tell your partner exactly what you need from him/her. Some people like talking about their feelings, and that’s fine; however, other individuals may be more practical and prefer a straightforward approach to resolving issues. Instead of beating around the bush by saying something like “you’re not doing enough,” explain exactly what your needs are and why it’s vital for him/her to contribute more.
Don’t Blame the Relationship
Some people take an “I, me, mine” approach to relationships. In other words, they see their significant other as a support system and nothing else. For example, it’s lovely for your husband or wife to have friends of the same sex, just as it’s okay for you to have female or male companionship. However, they may feel that any time you spend with your friends is taken away from them.
Be Honest About Your Needs
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when dealing with an unsupportive spouse is lying or manipulating the truth to spare feelings or “help” the relationship. Instead of saying something like “I don’t mind paying for dinner tonight,” be honest and say, “I want to treat you to a nice dinner, but I can’t unless you pitch in.” By being straightforward about your needs, he/she will have a better idea of the financial situation.
Give an Ultimatum if Needed
If all else fails, then you may need to give your spouse an ultimatum. For instance, you can say, “I want us to be a team and work together towards a common goal, but if you’re going to be a deadbeat, then I’m going to find someone else who will love and support me.” Chances are he/she will get the hint and become more supportive so you can both work together as a couple. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved and supported by the person you married, and if your spouse doesn’t want to do that, then there’s someone else who will.
Focus On Yourself
As long as you’re giving your spouse everything he/she wants, there isn’t much incentive for him/her to work hard. While it’s great that you’ve always been supportive of the relationship, you need to give yourself some attention once in a while. Whether taking up a hobby like painting or learning guitar, try focusing on yourself for a time instead of putting your needs on the back burner.
Start Hobbies Together
If you’re still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship where things are new and exciting, then it’s a good idea to start hobbies together. Not only will this bring you closer as a couple, but it will also motivate your spouse to work hard so he/she can spend time with you doing something fun. If both partners are working towards the same goal, then he/she will be less likely to sit on the couch all day without doing anything.
Be Willing to Compromise
While many spouses think that compromising means giving up something they want for something they don’t, it’s the opposite. By being willing to give up some of your wants and needs, you’re telling your partner that he/she is just as important to you as you are. For example, if you want to go out for dinner but your spouse wants to stay home and watch TV, you can say, “I know it would be more romantic if we stayed in, but I love spending time with my friends.”
Try to Find a Middle Ground
If your spouse is unwilling to compromise, then you need to take a step back and find a middle ground that will make both of you happy. While it may not be possible for both of you to get what you want all the time, there’s always something that can be done, so neither person feels like they’re giving up too much. For example, if you want to go out but your partner wants to stay in, plan a day where you can have dinner and a movie at home instead of going out.
Give Attention When Deserved
One thing that unsupportive spouses often forget is that they need attention. As long as you’re giving your partner everything he/she wants, then there’s no reason to feel loved or special. While it may be challenging to make time for yourself when you have a spouse who doesn’t appreciate what you do, try prioritizing quality time with friends or family members instead.
Have Dedicated Time for Chores
Many couples don’t realize that making time for chores is as important as making time for fun. If you want to feel loved and appreciated, it’s essential to work together to meet both of your needs. For example, if you do all the cooking and cleaning every day, then switch roles with your spouse one day so he/she can feel like they’re helping out. If your spouse starts feeling responsible for the household again, then he/she will start working harder to support you, so both of you are happy.
Try New Things
If you’ve been with your partner for a long time without doing anything new or exciting, then it’s time to start exploring your options. For example, if you’ve been wanting to go camping for a while, then plan a trip as soon as possible so you can go as a couple. While spending time with your spouse might be difficult at first, it will make both of you happier in the end.
Spend More Time Together
If your partner is constantly working instead of spending time with you, then it’s time to speak up. While you may think that your needs aren’t necessary, your spouse will appreciate that you care enough to make changes. For example, if he/she wants to watch TV every night after work instead of going out for dinner and a movie, ask him/her why they’re not interested in spending time with you. While your partner might feel like cuddling on the couch every night is romantic, both of you need to compromise, or else one person will end up feeling neglected.
Discuss Your Differences
While it may be difficult to talk about your differences at first, there are ways to make it easier. For example, if you want to go out with friends on a Friday night but your partner wants to stay in, try asking him/her why they’re not interested. While it may take a while for them to open up, sharing their feelings will help you understand how to support one another better as a couple.
Know Your Financial Situation
One thing that causes many couples to fight is financial strain. If you want to feel like your spouse cares about you, then it’s important to make sacrifices so you can support each other. For example, if you want a bigger house but your partner doesn’t think it’s important, think of ways to save money or tell him/her why you’re willing to downgrade. If your spouse understands why you want a better life, then he/she will be more inclined to support you while still feeling appreciated for his/her work.
Concentrate On Your Career
While it may seem like a good idea to focus on your spouse’s wants instead of your own, you need to take care of yourself as well. For example, if you want to go back to school to get a better job but your partner doesn’t think it’s important, show him/her how much better off you’ll be. Even if your spouse doesn’t seem interested in what you’re doing, keep trying until they start feeling more supportive. While it may take time for them to get used to the idea of you being successful, they’ll eventually give in and start supporting your dreams.
Surround Yourself With Like-Minded People
If your partner isn’t supportive or encouraging, you need to surround yourself with people who are. For example, if you want to go back to school but feel lonely about it, find a group of people going through the same thing as you. When you believe in something and someone else supports your goals, it will make things easier for you to feel alone. If your spouse isn’t supportive, find someone who is and make spending time with them a priority.
Be Patient With Your Partner
While it may seem like your partner doesn’t want to work on the relationship, there’s a chance they’re just stressed out about other things. For example, if your spouse hasn’t been as involved with family life as before, ask him/her about it. Your partner might be dealing with a lot at work and doesn’t want to stress you out by telling you what’s going on. If your spouse is dealing with something else and isn’t spending time with the family like he/she used to, be patient with him/her and know that they’ll come around eventually.
Accept That Everyone Is Different
While you may love your spouse, it doesn’t mean he/she is right for you all the time. For example, if your partner loves staying in every weekend while you want to go out, try asking him/her why instead.
Don’t Forget Your Friends
While it may be easy to spend all of your time with your spouse, these days, it’s important for both people to have friends outside the relationship. For example, if you want to go out on a Friday night but your partner is tired from work, don’t worry about asking him/her to come with you. Sometimes it can be hard to turn down a friend or significant other, but it will be easier for your life to move forward if you put yourself first.
Ensure The Kids Are okay
If you have kids, it’s important to ensure they’re not suffering because of your relationship. For example, if your spouse isn’t spending time with the family like he/she used to, then ask him/her about it. While you can’t force someone to be there for their children, let them know that the kids miss them and need their attention. If your partner doesn’t change, you need to tell the kids that it’s okay and everyone is doing their best.
Accept Your Partner For Who They Are
While it may be hard for someone who wants a particular trait in his/her spouse, it’s important not to force things. For example, if you want a guy/girl who loves going out with you but all your partner wants to do is stay at home, don’t force the issue. While it isn’t always easy to accept things about your spouse, try your best and pray for strength so you can move forward.
Love Your Partner Unconditionally
No matter what happens between you and your partner, it’s important to love him/her unconditionally. For example, if you and your spouse have problems but still care about each other, make sure to show it. No matter what kind of day he/she is having or how he/she feels towards you, try your best to be understanding and supportive even though you may disagree. Speaking with your significant other about what’s bothering them is essential but if they don’t want to talk about it, let them know you’re there for support, whether they realize it or not.
Show Him The Impact His Actions Have On The Family
If your spouse is stressed about something, let him/her know that it’s essential to put the family first. For example, if you want to go out with friends but he/she doesn’t because of work, ask him/her why instead of trying to change his mind. You can try talking to your significant other, but if he/she doesn’t want to, then you need to let him/her know that the family comes first.
If you and your significant other constantly fight, it may be a good idea for both of you to talk with a counselor. For example, if the two of you have been fighting about going out more often but he/she doesn’t want to because of work, ask him/her why instead of trying to change his mind. While you can try talking to your significant other if he/she doesn’t want to, you need to let him/her know that the family comes first.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I tell the kids their father doesn’t spend time with them?
A: If your spouse isn’t spending time with the family like he/she used to, then ask him/her about it. While you can’t force someone to be there for their children, let them know that the kids miss them and need their attention. If your partner doesn’t change, you need to tell the kids that it’s okay and everyone is doing their best.
How important are friends outside of my relationship?
A: While it may be easy to spend all of your time with your spouse, these days, both people need to have friends outside the relationship. For example, if you want a guy/girl who loves going out with you but all your partner wants to do is stay at home, don’t force the issue. While it isn’t always easy to accept things about your spouse, try your best and pray for strength so you can move forward.
What to do when your husband ignores your needs?
Both people in a relationship need to have friends other than each other. In addition, it can be hard sometimes to turn down a friend or significant other when you want something, but if you put yourself first, then it will be easier for your life to move forward.
What should I do about my wife not spending time with her family?
If you have kids, it’s essential to ensure they’re not suffering because of your relationship. For example, if your spouse isn’t spending time with the family like he/she used to, then ask him/her about it. While you can’t force someone to be there for their children, let them know that the kids miss them and need their attention. If your partner doesn’t change, you need to tell the kids that it’s okay and everyone is doing their best.
What are the signs that your husband doesn’t love you anymore?
There are several signs that your husband doesn’t love you anymore. For example, if he’s stopped wanting to spend time with you or if he no longer wants to have sex, it may be a good idea for the two of you to take a break. It’s important for people not to try and force their significant other into something they don’t want to do.
You love your partner, and you want to make things work; however, if he/she is unwilling to pitch in financially, then there isn’t much you can do about it. If possible, talk to him/her about your needs and explain how it’s important for both of you to contribute. However, if he/she still doesn’t get the hint, there are other ways to motivate him/her so you both can work together as a team.