How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone You Can’t Have

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What is an Obsession?

An obsession is when you are having thoughts about someone all the time. You can’t concentrate on anything else. You get upset, angry, or moody if plans don’t go your way. When there’s no chance of being with this person, it’s just an unhealthy habit that some people have gotten into for so long they don’t even realize they’re doing it anymore.

How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone You Can’t Have

The following steps will help you stop obsessing over someone you can’t have:

Think about your relationship with this person

Think about your relationship with this person. If you’re just friends, then stop thinking about them as a romantic partner and start thinking of them for who they are as a friend. If there is a mutual attraction between you, you need to think that seeing the other person in that way is worth losing their friendship. Is it worth the risk of them not reciprocating your feelings?

Find someone new

Getting involved with someone else who’s not like the other person is another one of the ways to stop obsessing over someone you can’t have. Take a break from people similar to this person until your infatuation dies down. If you need help meeting new people, try taking up a new hobby or changing your work environment.

Put some distance between you and them

If you can go on a trip for a month, then do so. If that’s not possible, just tell the person that you don’t feel like talking to them for a while and try to spend as little time as possible with this person once your obsession is under control. Go out more, meet new people, and generally change your lifestyle.

Have other relationships

If you can’t go on a trip to get away from this person, then at least try to be around them less. You want to encourage yourself to have other relationships so that people are occupying your mind and attention. When one relationship ends, it’s natural to want another immediately, and that’s why you need to distract yourself.

Spend some time alone

Spend some time alone after you feel like your obsession with this person is under control. Don’t think about them at all. Just relax and spend some quality time on yourself. If the feeling of wanting them again creeps up on you, then distract yourself again until it goes away.

 

Find a hobby and make this your new relationship

If you’ve gone on a trip, use that as the basis for your new relationship. You can think of it as having a long-term fling with someone else who lives far away. If you’re spending less time with them, what other relationships do you focus on? Spend more time with them and initiate plans to do things you both enjoy.

Stop wishing for things that don’t happen

Accepting it and moving on is crucial if the other person is uninterested. It’s easy to find hope where there isn’t any, so stop hoping that they’ll change their mind about you. If you can’t get what you want, try to appreciate what you already have instead of wishing for something better to appear out of thin air magically.

Stop talking about them or your feelings

You must stop thinking and talking about this person all the time. This includes yourself in your head, but also with other people. If you need to talk about them, write down your feelings in a journal instead. This way, it will be easier for you to find closure and get over this person once and for all.

Move on

If none of these steps is working for you, consider seeing someone who specializes in helping people stop obsessing over someone they can’t have. Don’t put it off if you genuinely want to stop obsessing over this person because the longer you wait, the more time it takes for you to get better.

Talk to a professional

Not everyone is good at moving on from someone they can’t have. If you’ve tried all of these steps and you’re still not able to do it on your own, then think about seeing a professional for help. Some online therapists and counselors specialize in helping people like you stop obsessing over someone they can’t have.

Learn to accept rejection

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then there’s a good chance that you’re also afraid to be rejected by them or date anyone else. You may not want to put yourself out there for fear of being rejected again, but the only way to get past this is by learning how to accept rejection and feeling comfortable with it.

Treat them as an acquaintance

If you’ve dated the person in question, then you should try to treat them as an acquaintance. This means avoiding talking about your feelings for them and even avoiding eye contact with them if possible. You should act like they don’t exist because it becomes more challenging to get over them by thinking about them all the time.

Think about why you can’t get over them

If you’ve thought about this person all the time and you still haven’t been able to stop obsessing over them, then consider why. It could be because this is your first heartbreak, and not having someone feels unnatural to you. You may also be panicking that if you don’t have someone right now, then you’ll be single forever.

Let your obsession motivate you to move on

If this is your first heartbreak, or it’s gotten awful where you can’t stop obsessing over them, then it should only be a temporary distraction from other problems in your life. If they’re not interested because they don’t think it’ll work out, then let your obsession motivate you to find someone who wants to be with you.

Causes Of Obsessive Feelings Toward Someone You Can’t Have

Attachment disorders

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, you may have an attachment disorder. This is where you’ve either had a lack of trustworthy people in your life who haven’t taught you how to emotionally attach to others, or you’ve had at least one abusive person in your life, such as an ex-partner or even a parent who made you feel unsafe.

Limiting beliefs

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, you may have limiting beliefs that lock you into patterns and behaviors that don’t serve your best interests. One example is if you believe that all relationships will end badly and lead to pain and suffering like your last one did. Another example will be if you think that no one will ever want to date you because of your looks or personality.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, you may have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). This is where someone has an obsession and/or compulsion that causes them to act in a certain way, including constantly thinking about someone.

Unresolved trauma

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then there may be unresolved trauma from your past that may trigger this behavior. Typical examples would be if you were bullied or attacked by someone in the past, especially if it happened during your teenage years. Another example would be being emotionally abused by a family member or partner, causing you to feel unsafe and insecure about being with future partners.

Rejection

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then there’s a good chance that you’re afraid of being rejected by them. This may be because the people in your life have rejected you before, or you think that being single is a bad thing and not having someone only makes it worse.

Fear of being alone

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then there’s a good chance that you’re afraid of being alone. This often comes from being bored or spending too much time on your own, so it’s normal to want to have someone around you. However, this doesn’t mean you should obsess over a specific person just because you don’t want to be single anymore.

Signs You Have Obsessive Feelings Toward Someone

You can’t get this person out of your head

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then it’s probably because they’ve been in your head for a long time now. You may have tried distracting yourself with other people or even anything that can keep your mind off of this particular person, but nothing works very well.

You think about this person all the time

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then they may have been on your mind for a long time now, to the point where you feel like there’s no escape from this thought. You may think about their face or body, what they might be doing right now and how things would be different if you were together.

You’re desperate for attention

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then there’s a good chance that you’re desperate to be acknowledged by them in some way. You may try doing things that give off the impression that they should take notice and see you as a potential partner, such as acting clingy or trying to get their attention through physical means like flirting.

You try making it happen

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then it’s likely that you’ve made attempts to get their attention or even make them stay interested in you. This may involve flirting heavily with them, pushing your body against theirs, and acting clingy around them all the time. Additionally, you may have told them that you’re interested just in case they didn’t know, or perhaps even made up a crush on them to get their attention.

You’ve said “I love you”

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then you may have already told them that you love them. This is because you can’t stop imagining the possibility of having something with this person, especially if they haven’t replied in kind or shown any interest in you romantically.

You care more about their opinion than your own

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then it’s likely that you’re more interested in their opinion of you than your own. For example, if they said they don’t find you attractive, this would hurt more than anything else because it’s coming from them.

You think you can change them

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then there’s a good chance that part of the reason is that you think you can change them. You may think that if you show them how good of a partner you could be or convince them to see things your way, then they’ll feel the same about you.

Conclusion

If you can’t stop obsessing over someone, then it’s clear that this is negatively affecting your life somehow. You may have tried to get their attention but failed time and time again, or perhaps you’re only obsessed with people who are unavailable for whatever reason. Regardless of the details, there are things that you can do that will help you get over this person, so try using the tips found in the article above.