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When they enter a new relationship, many people are excited by all the affection shown to them, and they want more and more of it. However, there are some relationships in which the partners will not be very affectionate with each other at all. This can take many forms: hand-holding kisses every morning and goodnight and cuddling before bed. They may also not want to engage in sexual relations with each other very often.
Things to When Dating a Non-affectionate Person
They are a physical affection camel
Some people don’t show any interest in physical touch. This is not to say that they do not like affection, but rather, it may be beyond them or something they never learned. If this sounds like the person you are dating, be patient and give them space. It might make things more comfortable if there was room for the person to move closer to you if they wanted, but it doesn’t have to be forced.
They are not used to affection
It’s possible that the people in their past never showed an interest or automatically assumed that they were “just friends” or didn’t want to make things awkward with sex. It may take them some time to adjust their minds to the idea that affection can happen without sex being attached.
A hand on your leg means a lot more to them.
If this is the case, they usually take in more information than they are giving. They may notice when your hand brushes theirs, when you take your turn in conversation or when you’re speaking calmly. If you sense that it’s important to them, let physical affection progress gradually over time in a way that feels natural and not forced. You will know the right amount when they seem to be in a better place and more comfortable with touch.
They can’t help it
Your affectionate tendencies may rub off on them when you’re around each other, but people who are used to moving away from physical contact may find themselves looking forward to your touch. They may enjoy cuddles and other tactile moments but be confused about how it makes them feel because they’re not used to this type of contact with anyone else.
They don’t need to talk about their feelings
They’re not going to give you a play-by-play of their feelings. You need to read between the lines here and listen closely for the cues that they might be busy processing their emotions privately. Try asking, “Are you feeling okay?” or “How are things going with your mom today?” if something is wrong. This will help them know that you are there to listen, but it also will allow them to talk about their feelings if they’re ready. Don’t force the issue if they seem nervous or uncomfortable.
Public displays of affection are out of the question
Unless you’re dating someone from a different culture or the person you are dating has only been in relationships with people who were more comfortable with PDA than they are, there’s a good chance that they don’t like to show affection publicly. It might be because their parents taught them that it was embarrassing and unbecoming, but it could also have to do with the fear of being judged by other people. Try not to let it bother you unless they must be affectionate in front of others.
Tenderness is only shown privately
Some people are uncomfortable with affection in public, but they might be okay with it in more private situations. If this is the case and you know that you can both be comfortable together in a room without feeling like there’s too much pressure to touch each other when they don’t want to, feel free to give them space and respect their boundaries.
Holding hands is out of the question
In some relationships, the partners will not be very affectionate with each other. This can take many forms: hand-holding kisses every morning and goodnight and cuddling before bed. They may also not want to engage in sexual relations with each other very often.
They are as cuddly as a cactus
You first need to recognize that this person has an entirely different idea of what it means to be affectionate. For them, giving hugs and kisses now and then may seem like they are being quite affectionate.
Respect their boundaries
Suppose there is an area where your significant other needs more space, respect that and give them time or be willing to back off on the physical affection until they are ready to be closer. This doesn’t mean that they don’t like you or want to be with you; it only means that they need time and patience to get comfortable with your touch.
Let go of expectations
It is important not to expect them to like certain types of physical affection in the same way you do or be okay with anything more than what they are comfortable with. They may love to hug but not enjoy close intimate contact. It’s also possible that they don’t like something, and it might help if you ask them first about specific types of touch before taking part in these activities.
They are not used to holding back their emotions
Suppose you notice that the person in your life is affectionate in other ways, like cuddles and random hugs. In that case, they may be holding back to physical touch because they are frightened by how much emotional attachments can impact them. If this is the case, try to be patient with them and take things slow. If they still seem disinterested in physical contact, try asking what you can do to make it easier for them to be affectionate while still staying within their comfort zone. ## They need to be the one who initiates touch
When they say “I love you”, they mean it
You probably already knew this about them, but they don’t say it lightly. If they’re not affectionate around you or with you, then don’t get too upset about it because that’s just the way they are. They might get frustrated with themselves for not knowing how to be affectionate and apologize, but if they care about you, they’ll find a way to show it.
They’re not used to touch
Not everyone has had positive experiences with physical contact in their lives, so don’t take any of this personally if you notice that the person in your life struggles with showing affection. These people may be shy and tend to back away from other people, but that doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with them. It might take some time for you to learn how to love someone and show it in a way that they both understand and appreciate, but as long as you keep trying, it will get easier over time.
They hold back on physical contact because it’s not important
If you’re wondering why your partner or someone else in your life struggles to be affectionate with you, it could be because physical touch isn’t the most important thing in their lives, and they don’t want to do something if it doesn’t mean a lot to them. You can try to introduce things like cuddle parties and give them space to be affectionate when they want to, but you probably won’t change their opinion on the matter. If it’s imperative to you that they’re physically affectionate, then you might want to reconsider what’s more important: your happiness or theirs.
They don’t like changing emotions
When someone is not used to being affectionate, they don’t like to change their emotions or open up in front of other people. They may try to tell you that they aren’t comfortable doing something when their body language tells you otherwise, so there are ways to prove how much they care about you without making that physical contact that you desire. Just be patient with them and understand that they are trying to show how much they care about you in other ways. It’s not easy for everyone to be affectionate, but the important thing is that they’re trying their best to change their thinking for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I have to be okay with not being touched by them?
If the person in your life is having a hard time being affectionate, it’s important that you don’t get upset about it. They may physically reach out to you if they feel too much pressure from other people, so there are ways for them to express their feelings without harming the relationship.
Can I ask them to be more affectionate?
You can encourage physical contact, but it’s important not to force anything on someone resistant about touching other people. If they don’t want to do something, you shouldn’t pressure them to do it because that will make things worse and possibly ruin your relationship over time.
What can I do to make them more comfortable with physical contact?
You should ask the person in your life what you can do to make it easier for them to be affectionate while still staying within their comfort zone. This could include things like only touching them on their terms and giving them time to adjust before continuing a particular activity so they don’t get overwhelmed if it happens to be something important.
What are ways I can show them affection without actually touching them?
Suppose you’re having a hard time being affectionate. In that case, there are other ways for you to show the person in your life that you love them without opening up emotionally or physically. You might take walks with each other or stay in contact while you’re apart, so you must find the physical touch that makes them feel most comfortable.
What if they can’t reciprocate my feelings?
If your partner doesn’t want to be physically affectionate with you, then there are ways for them to show how much they care about you without changing their mind about touching people. You can work on your communication skills and let them know how you feel, but also make it clear that they don’t have to reciprocate your feelings if it doesn’t work for them.
Conclusion
It can be challenging to get along with someone who doesn’t like being physically affectionate, but you don’t have to change your ways if they’re willing to compromise. They might not be used to physical contact, so you should take things at their own pace until they feel more comfortable expressing themselves in that way. You can still show them how much you love them without touching them by spending more time with them and showing your affection in other ways.
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