We all know the feeling. You meet someone, and you think that this could be it. They’re perfect for you in every way. But then they break your heart, and you don’t know how to let them go. If you’re struggling to get over someone who broke your heart, here are steps that can help.
How to Let Go of Someone Who Broke Your Heart
Allow yourself to feel your feelings
You can’t just flip a switch and turn off your emotions. You feel sad; you cry. You feel happy, you smile. Allow yourself to be sad for as long as you need to heal, but don’t stay there forever. Eventually, you need to see what it’s like to feel something else again.
But don’t become your feelings
You can have a feeling without being your feelings. When you’re sad, keep going on about how sad you are. Don’t stay stuck in the past and allow yourself to feel like this for too long.
Make a list of reasons why letting go is good for you
For example: “It’s killing me to hold onto someone who doesn’t want me anymore.” “I need to move on because I’m standing still and time is passing by.” “I deserve someone who makes me happy and loves me back.” “My ex is better off without me holding him back from making new memories with someone else.” Write as many as you need to until it feels like enough, then move on to the next step.
Find the silver lining in letting go
It might take time, but you’ll find it. Sometimes your heart can be broken into a million pieces, and that’s okay. It shows how deeply you once cared for someone, which is something to be proud of. And you know what? When you’re feeling good again, it will be worth all the pain because now you have closure. You are officially done with your ex for good – no more thinking about them or wondering why they decided to leave.
Do things to help yourself move on
The sooner you start doing this, the better off you’ll be overall. For example:
- Cut their pictures out of old photos.
- Write an angry letter and then rip it up right away.
- Go out with friends and don’t tell them why you’re not in the mood to party.
This helps with the grieving process because eventually, your mind will say “okay” and then move on too.
Don’t block your ex out of your life completely
You might realize one day that you’ve gotten so much better, and now you can finally see their true colors. It’s so tempting to delete their contact information or block them on social media, but this is something you shouldn’t do without thinking about it first. You might need to keep some things for legal reasons (i.e., if they harass you) but be cautious about taking it down all at once.
Find a support system
If you don’t have a good group of friends to help you through things, now is a great time to make new ones. Chatting online with people you’ve never met before is a great way to let your mind take a break from thinking about your ex long enough for it to heal.
If they decide they want you back, do you take them back?
No. Never. You can say no and stay strong because that’s what’s best for you in the end. They broke your heart once already – why would you allow them to do it again? It will not be easy to move on from there, so if it doesn’t work out at first, give yourself time and try again later.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings but don’t become them
When you’re sad, let it be okay for you to feel sad. But no staying stuck in the past and crying forever. That’s not healthy for you or anyone else involved, so try and find a way out of this bad situation as soon as possible.
Most people don’t like the idea of exercise, but there’s no way around it. The endorphins that your body produces during and after exercise are somewhere between ecstasy and crack; they’re kind of addictive. Not only will it make you feel better about yourself, but you’ll also look better, which may lead to other opportunities.
Change up your environment
If you’ve been living in one place for more than a couple of months, find some new places to go with friends on the weekends so your mind can rest at ease. This isn’t just good for moving on; It also makes getting over them half as difficult.
Work on yourself and concentrate on becoming a better person overall
You should always be working on self-improvement – even if you have everything or are truly happy. It’s important to be the best version of yourself, not just for your own sake, but also so that if they decide to come back around one day, they will see how much more awesome you are than before.
Avoid their social media & delete them from yours
This is a no-brainer; they don’t need to know what you’re up to, and it’s not good for your mental state either, so stop scrolling through their Facebook profile.
Avoid any sex-related triggers
If you can avoid places you used to go together, old habits that remind you of them, or even people who look like them, do so. You want those memories gone as quickly as possible, and the only way that will happen is by avoiding everything they represent.
Don’t listen if they try “being friends” with you again
You don’t stand to benefit from this at all. Yes, we told you about taking them back earlier, but this isn’t one of those cases. They broke up with you because they didn’t want to be around you. Just do yourself a favor and move on.
Have fun again
That’s the best medicine for anything. Play some video games or go out with your friends when all of this is over instead of moping around in misery. You know better than anyone else what will make you happy, so it’s time to put yourself first in these types of situations.
Don’t judge the length of your healing process
Everyone goes through things differently, so just because it seems like someone is over their ex in a day doesn’t mean you will. Some people take years or even decades to get over things, so learn your limits and don’t worry about other people.
Don’t compare yourself to other breakup statistics
A large percentage of relationships end in breakups, so keep this in mind if you think that no one gets dumped or that you’re the only person who has ever gone through this situation. Maybe your love was not meant to be for whatever reason; either way, at least now you can move on knowing it wasn’t something wrong with you.
Don’t internalize the breakup
“It’s not you, it’s me” – this may be the breakup line that everyone knows, but always remember that if they’re avoiding you, it’s because of them and not you. It doesn’t have anything to do with your self-worth or how much you mean to other people, so stop thinking something is wrong with you.
Don’t change yourself for anyone
You don’t need any ex back because who an ex was in a relationship should never be a benchmark for a future partner anyways. You should only become what someone else loves after being with them and never before that point. If they didn’t appreciate everything about you, why would changing yourself for them solve anything?
Identify and eliminate unhealthy behaviors
If you don’t get over someone by bottling up your feelings inside, then it just might be because of the unhealthy habits that lead to these kinds of situations in your life. Drinking too much, partying too hard, working yourself to death, etc., are all viable candidates for this, so pay attention and correct them.
Accept that breakups happen for a reason
Even if it doesn’t seem like it right away, there is always something good that comes out of every experience in life so try not to hold onto negative emotions too tightly. If someone loves you, they will make an effort to keep you around.
Create new routines
Find new things to do with your time other than looking at their social media, old photos, or even reminiscing on the good times. Maybe go back to school, find a job you like, read some books and take up all of those hobbies that you never pursued when they were in your life.
Learn from it
Even if you thought everything was going great, this breakup could always be learned. Maybe they cheated on you or couldn’t commit; either way, use this experience to understand better what’s not right for you and what is so future relationships will go better than this one did.
Accept that closure is something you may need to find on your own
Even if they want to be friends or get back together with you for another try at the relationship, there is nothing wrong with needing some time away to clear your head and refocus on yourself. They may not understand it, but you need this, no matter how long it takes.
Go on a blind date
Breaking up with a partner doesn’t have to be the end of finding someone you love again. Even if it’s not with this person, find someone new and give them a chance because sometimes it takes meeting more people to realize who is right for you.
Forgive yourself for making mistakes
It doesn’t matter how many times they hurt you or how much they were emotionally unavailable; only their actions are what matters when it comes to forgiveness. If they didn’t respect your feelings, then there was nothing else that could be done on your end besides let them go.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do they come back?
Your ex may have realized how much you meant to them after letting you go or have never found anyone quite like you, so if they’re trying to get back together, then it just means that there is truly no better partner out there for them.
Will they come back?
An ex who has broken up with you will not always change their mind, but if your bond was strong enough, the only thing holding them back from coming back is when they realize this love isn’t easily replaced.
How do you get revenge on someone who broke your heart?
If they cheated on you, make it seem like you moved on even if you haven’t. If they lied to you about something important, tell all of your friends the truth and have them do the same until everyone knows what a scum bag that person is.
Why did my ex break up with me?
An ex who has broken up with you may want to try being single for a while or may have seriously met someone else, so there are no hard feelings, but only time will tell how things play out.
Should you tell someone, they broke your heart?
If it’s only a small child who doesn’t understand what they are talking about, then it can be okay, but for anyone else, you should keep your feelings to yourself until you are ready to talk.
What do I do if my ex is still in love with me?
Keep seeing other people no matter how much it hurts because even though they still care, there is nothing that you can say or do to get them back until they realize that breaking up was the wrong choice.
By taking care of yourself and allowing them to go without forcing them back, you may realize that what you thought was love wasn’t, and by meeting other people, you’ll find someone who isn’t going anywhere.