The worst part about a fight is the awkwardness that follows. The anger and resentment can linger for days, weeks, or even months if not addressed properly. How do you heal a relationship after a fight? There are some things to keep in mind when trying to mend any broken hearts: be nice, apologize sincerely, find common ground again, and work on being better together. This blog post will tackle all of these topics more thoroughly so that you have the tools to get back on track with your partner!
How to Heal a Relationship After a Fight
- Immediately after – or during – the fight, take an intentional “timeout” from the other person. You may need to be alone for a little while to reflect on what happened and collect your thoughts. It’s important that you don’t try and talk it out until you’ve had time to process things, especially if there has been anger exchanged between the two of you. Be honest with yourself – is this really how you feel? Were you just in a bad mood or was there truth to what you said? You may be surprised at the answers you come up with. Sometimes it’s easy to lose your temper and say things that you don’t truly mean. The other person deserves to know how you really feel, but try and avoid saying things that will only tear them down.
- When the time is right, extend an olive branch and ask to talk about what went wrong. Try and take the high road and be willing to acknowledge your own mistakes as well as those of your partner. Don’t try and defend yourself, but don’t attack either – that only makes everything worse! Simply apologize if you feel like you’ve done something wrong or if you said something too cutting, and ask the other person to do the same. Perhaps take a step back from what you were planning on saying and really think about how you want to approach the situation – it’s easy to be led down a bad path if all you can see is your anger. The last thing anyone wants is for another argument to break out, so try and avoid that at all costs.
- Actively listen to your partner’s perspective, and acknowledge any hurt you caused them. Even if you don’t agree with the other person, this is a time to be respectful and open-minded. Everyone needs to be acknowledged in some form when they’re hurt because it will only drive them away if you make them feel like their emotions aren’t valid. Don’t try and dismiss their feelings or minimize what they’ve been through. The other person may also not see your point of view or understand why you were so angry, and that’s okay – try to be as empathetic as possible.
- Share your side – without pointing fingers. You got upset for a reason, right? Maybe it was something that has been bothering you for a long time. It’s important to share your perspective of events with the other person because they may not have seen things from your angle of view before. Try and be as honest as possible without making them feel bad or attacked – that will only make matters worse. Share your feelings without judgment, and remember that everyone is human! You will probably find some common ground while doing this because you’re both looking at the situation from a different perspective, which is a great start to making things better .
- When things have definitely calmed down, return to the root of the issue and talk it through until a resolution has been reached. Maybe one of you said something they didn’t mean, or maybe this issue is too big to ignore. Whatever the problem is, there needs to be some form of closure – and that means hashing things out together! If you’ve done all of the steps above and still feel like nothing’s changed, maybe you need to sit down and talk about the possibility of taking a break from the relationship. Remember, this isn’t easy and it takes a lot of work and time to heal your relationship after an argument like this. To make things easier on yourself, keep discussions logical rather than emotional .
- Work together to find a practical solution. If you really do need a break , make sure you’ve discussed what that means in concrete terms. What is going to happen when one of you tries to contact the other? Will each of you be allowed to date other people, or will there be a set amount of time where this is prohibited? The more detail that goes into your plan, the less likely it is that one of you will forget something important and be blindsided by it later on.
- If you keep having the same argument, or have trouble finding a solution, consider couples counseling. Sometimes, people get so wrapped up in the emotions involved that they can’t see a clear path to resolving their issues. This is especially common after an argument like the one you’ve just had – it’s worth considering because it doesn’t cost anything and could help save your relationship .
- Make your gentle side accessible. If you’re able to admit when you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness, this is a type of vulnerability that your partner will be comfortable with. Showing the other person that you’ve made mistakes in the past but are still willing to work on things will make them feel more secure in your relationship . It’s important to put aside any pride or stubbornness that could get in the way of being able to admit when you’re wrong.
- Be responsible for your own actions. Notice your part in what happened. Respond by gently sharing what you find. If you haven’t done this already, make a commitment to yourself to change your behavior going forward. Share any personal insight you’ve had regarding the changes needed.
- Reaffirm your positive feelings for one another. If either of you feels like something is missing or has been lost, this is a good time to bring it up and make sure the other person knows that you still care about them. Try telling them how much they mean to you and any positive feelings that come along with that – try not to focus on what went wrong! When your conflict gets resolved, it’s important to both take responsibility for your own actions and reassure the other person that you still care .
- Apologize if necessary. Even though most conflicts are about something either of you has done wrong , there’s no reason not to apologize if you feel like this would help. You don’t need to use words like “I’m sorry” or “Please forgive me,” especially if this is something that’s hard for you to do . Just be open with your partner about how much you value them and try to explain what led to the argument in the first place.
- Work on building up trust. This can take a while but it’s well worth it. Trust is the foundation of any lasting relationship , whether you’re starting a brand new one or trying to get past some rough patches in an old one. Try spending time together without arguing about anything.
- Forgive and forget but also learn from your argument. Try to remember what led up to this fight and how it could be prevented in the future. If you notice a pattern, try practicing some communication exercises with your partner .
What You Should Not Do During An Arguement With Your Partner
You’re right. Your partner is wrong, and you need to make them see that. Except this isn’t a debate, and your stubbornness will only hurt the relationship further. If you come up with a practical solution that takes into account both of your needs, then go ahead. Still, if it becomes clear that you’re not going to agree on anything, it might be time to give up. You can’t make someone love you or understand your point of view if they don’t. It’s fine to move on with your lives, but try creating a plan for how to revisit the problem in the future.
Trying to change them
Partners can have a lot of influence over each other. If they’re doing something that bothers you, ask them to stop. If you feel at all uncomfortable asking them directly, communicate this with your actions instead of your words; try using compassionate communication . However, trying to change someone else is wrong and will only make the relationship worse. If your partner wants to change something about themselves, they’ll do it on their own or seek professional help. You can provide support, but not motivation. If you keep trying to make them act differently and failing, they may start to think that’s the person they are supposed to be , which will push them away.
Pretending it didn’t happen
Some things can’t be fixed, so you want to forget about them and pretend they never happened. However, if a fight between partners is serious enough for one or both of them to leave, it’s something that should be resolved. The caring feelings have been damaged – just because the relationship lasted long enough for you to revert to how things were doesn’t mean those positive emotions will ever come back. Instead, think about what went wrong and what you can do better next time .
Attacking the other person’s character
When couples fight, it usually comes down to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. You may be tempted to put your partner on the defensive by telling them how selfish they are, but this won’t accomplish anything. Talk about what was said and done , not who a person is as a human being.
Bringing up the past
You may think that pointing out your partner’s mistakes from long ago will give you extra leverage or make them feel terrible, but all it will do is hurt them and strain the relationship further. They’re probably aware of what they did, and bringing it up will make them feel like you don’t trust or respect them. The past is in the past; using it to justify your anger in the present may make things worse for both of you.
We all fight with our partners, but it doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. You can save your bond by trying to see things from each other’s perspective and working together against any patterns that lead to arguments in the future. If you make a conscious effort to improve things, you’ll be able to get past even the most serious fights.