There are many reasons a guy might pretend to be straight than he genuinely is. He may feel pressure from his family or friends, especially if homosexuality is frowned upon in his culture and social circle. He may want to appear more masculine by conforming to what society says men should act like, including not liking other men sexually. Or perhaps he is in denial, refusing to accept his identity as a homosexual.
No matter the reason, if you suspect someone you know might be pretending to be straight but aren’t several signs that can clue you in. While many of these may not always apply to every case and should not be used for definite decision-making, they help guide you to the truth.
Signs a Guy is Pretending to be Straight
He seems uncomfortable around homosexuals or gay culture
One of the best ways to tell someone is pretending to be straight is by watching his reaction when homosexuality is mentioned in conversation, especially in a positive light. If he dismisses it outright or gets visibly angry about it, chances are he is straight and uncomfortable with gay culture.
Makes fake coverups about his current life or past relationships
Men who pretend to straight do so by erasing evidence of their same-sex encounters from their lives. If you see a guy making massive coverups about his current relationship status or previous ones, especially with men, chances are he is pretending to be straight.
Makes jokes about gay people that indicate discomfort or negativity
Men who pretend to straight find humor in gay jokes or make unpleasant references about homosexuals. These are usually coverups for their sexual identity issues, the same thing that has caused them to be fake, being straight in the first place.
Makes excuses not to attend events perceived as “gay”
If he avoids social gatherings considered to be gay, such as pride parades or parties with a predominantly homosexual demographic, chances are he might be pretending to be straight. He may not want to attend because the thought of being in a place where he feels like an outsider makes him uncomfortable. Or maybe his friends and family expect him to do so since it is part of “being manly”.
Avoids physical contact with guys for a long time
Some men exhibit avoidance techniques by cutting off all physical contact with other males, whether it’s going a year without shaking another guy’s hands or avoiding hugging them. These behaviors indicate a lack of acceptance on his part towards his sexuality and an effort to conform to the straight life. If you suspect someone you know is trying to convince himself he’s straight, keep an eye on these behaviors.
Acts overly macho or masculine
Some men pretend to be straight because it will make them more masculine. This may involve becoming hyper-competitive in sports, dressing skimpily at all times, and acting extremely tough in front of his friends.
Exhibits gender role confusion or dysphoria
He might also pretend to be straight if he already has issues with how society’s view of masculinity clashes with the person he is on the inside. He might feel like there is no place for him in society because most people expect him to be exclusively heterosexual.
Over sexualizing women and discussing unusually more sexist and sex topics
Some men pretend to be straight because they compensate for their lack of masculinity by over-emphasizing the opposite sex. This may involve objectifying women excessively or talking about them in a manner that makes them seem less human.
Avoids emotional expression
He might also pretend to be straight if he fears letting other people know he has emotions or is very sensitive about personal matters. He might avoid talking to people in general because doing so would make him feel vulnerable, which is why it may seem like he is very stoic most of the time.
Avoids touching other men or shows discomfort when touched by them
Pretending to straight also involve becoming uncomfortable with the idea of physical contact with other men. He might avoid shaking hands or hugging them or even make it seem like he is avoiding touching people at all times because he feels embarrassed about it.
Hides his sexual orientation from others
Hiding evidence of his homosexuality is another sign that a man may pretend to be straight. This can be as subtle as deleting his social media account and disassociating himself from friends who might know of his homosexual encounters. Other times, it can be as blatant as having a girlfriend and getting married to complete the façade that he is straight.
Stressing out when hot guys are around
If he also feels uncomfortable when hot guys are around, he may be putting on a facade by pretending to be straight. He might pretend not to care about good-looking men or even go out of his way to avoid them if people get the wrong idea about his sexual orientation.
Finally, some men also pretend to be straight because they are homophobic. They might act like they can’t stand gay people to keep up appearances that their sexual orientation aligns with the standard. Of course, this is just another façade since, deep down inside, he knows exactly why he isn’t comfortable around gays- because it reminds him of his sexuality.
Being sarcastic and making explicit jokes about gay people
Some men pretend to be straight because they are uncomfortable with their sexuality. They might make offensive comments towards gays or be highly critical of them so that they can justify why they wouldn’t want to date them in the future. Of course, this is also another sign that he’s not comfortable with himself and might not be ready to come out of the closet.
What To Do If You Find Your Boyfriend is Pretending to be Straight?
If you suspect that your boyfriend might be pretending to be straight, you should confront him about it. Let him know that he doesn’t have to do so if this isn’t what he wants and assure him everything will be okay- even if his sexual orientation makes you anxious.
Be sure to let him know how much you care about his well-being and that you love him for who he is, not just because he’s straight.
If your partner seems highly anxious about his sexuality, it might be best to break up with him. Some men pretend to be straight to convince themselves that being gay is wrong or immoral. This is why it’s impossible for them to date someone like you- because they only want to date women.
By now, you should have a pretty good idea about whether your man is pretending to be straight or not. If you think that the signs might apply to him and he has been living a lie, talk to him and let him know that it’s okay for him to come out of the closet.
Don’t break up with your boyfriend just because he’s pretending to be straight. Make sure you show him that you are willing to support him no matter what happens, even if he admits that he is gay.