Reconnecting with an ex is a delicate balance between right and wrong. It’s also usually bad news for the current relationship, whether it be romantic or otherwise. Reconnecting with an ex can happen through emails, phone calls, text messages, social media messages if you run into your old flame in person unexpectedly or at least think you’ve seen someone you know. How you handle the reconnection depends on how much time has passed, what led up to your breakup/separation, and how long it’s been since that occurred before your ex comes into your life again. If you’re still in contact with or even living with your spouse/partner while trying to get back in touch with your ex, then you’re also in a tight spot.
How Not to Ruin Your Marriage When You Reconnect With An Ex While Married
If you are married, don’t reach out to past loves.
When you reconnect with an ex while married, please don’t do it. It’s one of the most common and often disastrous mistakes that people make in their love lives. The reason for this is simple: Your spouse/partner has no idea what to expect from your old relationship and how much baggage you’re carrying around toward each other, which comes out later. When you get back in touch with an ex while still married, things can quickly go south because one of you doesn’t feel free to express all the old feelings that are being brought up again. It’s also unfair to your spouse/partner to have more of a history with another person than they do, especially since most of it is more recent than anything they can bring up about your past relationship. It’s unfair and emotionally damaging to them because of the insecurity that develops in their minds when they cannot get all of your attention after thinking that you cut all ties with this person.
Do not expect a lost love to become a platonic friend.
It would help if you were honest with yourself. Do you expect your ex to suddenly become an older sister, brother, or friend with whom you can share dinner and reminisce about old times? Or are they still the love of your life even though the relationship didn’t work out for whatever reason? If it’s not platonic, then don’t expect it to become that. And if you’re still with the person who’s your spouse/partner, think about how they will react to whatever is going on between you and your ex.
Don’t be misled by vivid dreams.
You might have a vivid dream about someone you used to date, before your marriage or after your divorce, and suddenly feel as though the years that have passed didn’t happen. You aren’t going crazy or unfair to your spouse/partner if you suddenly think about reconnecting with an old flame as long as it’s only in your dreams. It’s just your mind playing tricks on you and trying to figure out what went wrong in the past so that you can move forward with your current relationship better, even if it’s with someone else. It doesn’t mean that you want to break up with the person your spouse/partner, either.
Get honest with your spouse/partner.
Don’t keep secrets from your spouse/partner if you’re reconnecting with your ex. That upsets them more and gives you two double lives to lead instead of one that’s open and honest. You also get the bonus benefit of not hiding things from each other for fear that you’ll be found out about your ex. And the person who is your spouse/partner now may surprise you by being okay with it as long as they know what’s going on and aren’t left in the dark about something happening right under their nose, which can affect both of you. This doesn’t mean that you get to tell your spouse/partner everything you’re doing regarding this lost love, only the vital stuff you think they need to know.
Don’t make contact until you’ve figured out how you feel about the relationship.
Don’t try reconnecting with your ex while married unless you can honestly say that it will not change anything between you and your spouse/partner. It’s not fair to either of them or keep things from each other that aren’t necessary, especially if the lost love turned into a long-distance friendship over time instead of someone who was once a lover but is now just a friend.
If an old flame contacts you, keep your guard up.
If someone you used to date and who impacted your life contacts you, don’t automatically assume that it’s a sign from heaven or anything like that. They might be looking for some vindication by getting back in touch with you and telling you how much they missed you and still care about what happens to you. And the only way to do that is to share your news about how you’re married/partner and have a family now, which will make him or her realize that they didn’t get over the breakup all that well.
Keep in mind that getting back together with an ex can be complicated.
It’s not like every time you make up with an old flame, and things are bound to work out because it’s evident that your lives have gone in different directions since you last saw each other. It might be tempting to go back to the familiar and comfortable instead of having to face all the changes in both your lives head-on. Still, there is no guarantee that you’ll get back together and end up like all those other Hollywood couples who eventually got married even though they were separated for a while before getting back together. And suppose neither of you has changed much to make things easier. In that case, it might be best to leave the past in the past for good and not look back at all so that you can move forward in the present with the person who is here now and with whom you’ve built a life instead of living in a fleeting fantasy that might just evaporate over time.
Tell your spouse immediately if you’re seeing someone else.
Don’t keep secrets just because your spouse doesn’t have the same type of relationship they can talk about outside of your marriage/relationship. And it’s not just an issue between you and your spouse, but also affects the kids in some way when parents act like everything is okay instead of telling the truth from the beginning.
Do not meet face to face.
Never try to reconnect with an old flame by going out in person unless you plan to end things with your spouse/partner. Don’t give the person false hope of getting back together when nothing happens between you and that person, which can create a bigger problem if they confront your spouse/partner about the two of you going out together when that was all a lie.
The Dangers Of Reconnecting With An Ex While Married
Deep emotional attachment.
Reconnecting with an old flame can turn into something more when you see each other behind the back of your spouse/partner, especially if you keep meeting up and talking about what once was like it’s the present instead of moving on and letting go. You might be able to fool yourself into thinking that this is for the best, but it’s going to be a problem down the line when your lover starts wanting more from you and feels cheated because of all your empty promises.
Loss Of Trust
If you’ve been seeing someone behind your spouse/partner’s back for a long time, especially if they have been keeping in touch with them, it will be difficult for your spouse/partner not to lose trust in you in the marriage. It doesn’t matter if nothing ever happened between you and this other person; all that matters is that your spouse/partner feels like they can’t trust you and will feel betrayed even if there’s no proof that anything happened between the two of you. And it will be a big problem for your spouse/partner if they feel like something did happen, even though there’s no proof to back those feelings up. So by acting like nothing is wrong and continuing as if all this was in the past, you’re making things worse instead of better by keeping your spouse/partner in the dark about what is going on.
Risk of an affair.
Staying in touch with an old flame might seem like a safe way of having a little fun without going out and cheating on your spouse/partner, but it’s not hard to go from talking over the phone to meeting up in person if you’re both alone at a bar or somewhere else. If your relationship goes back a long way and you were once in love, then it’s easy to slip back into old habits of having fun together. And if anything does happen between the two of you even though you’re both married, then that could lead to a full-blown affair in which one or both of you decide to leave your spouse/partner for each other instead of working out the relationship you have with your spouse/partner. So it can be a risky thing to reconnect with an old flame, but if you do decide to stay in touch and see each other from time to time, then it’s important that you don’t let things get out of hand, or else you might end up ruining everything for yourself and your spouse/partner.
Disrespectful to your spouse.
It’s not the most respectful thing to do, but it happens all the time when someone reconnects with an old flame and doesn’t tell their spouse/partner about it. It might not be something that you’re proud of, especially if they have been keeping in touch with your spouse/partner while you’ve been keeping in touch with them. Still, if you want to keep this hidden, it might be a good idea to delete their number and block their email address so that your spouse/partner doesn’t find out. But don’t go too far when doing something like this because it can change the way they look at you if your spouse/partner starts wondering why you went to such lengths to keep them out of the loop.
Impact on families.
Family issues are often the result of reconnecting with an old flame, especially if two people were once in love and there’s still some unfinished business. But what happens when they get married or have kids? Suddenly spending time alone together becomes more complicated because you don’t want to ruin their current relationship by creating tension between them and their spouse/partner. So unless one of you finds a way to resolve this in a healthy and open-minded manner, then it’s going to be difficult for you to have a relationship with them. Because they will always feel guilty about spending time with you when or her spouse/partner isn’t around, and if that’s the case, then it might be a good idea to just break off all contact because he or she can’t give you what you’re looking for if he or she’s stuck in a relationship where he or she can’t do anything without feeling guilty.
Giving the ex the wrong idea.
Exes don’t always see the complete picture and might not realize that this reconnection is all about having fun and nothing else. So if you’re looking for a way of enjoying your life again after going through some challenging times, then you mustn’t let things get out of hand or lead them on because they might think that there’s more to this than there is. That’s why it’s essential to do your best to let them know nicely and thoughtfully that this reconnection is nothing serious, and you’re not looking to get back together with them because they have already moved on. But the only way that this will work is if you’re honest about the fact that they are your friend and not your lover, so try to put some thought into how you plan on doing this before contacting them again.
No matter what you do and how careful you are, the chance of something going wrong is high when you reconnect with an old flame. But if they already have a spouse/partner and kids, you mustn’t get too close because that might ruin their happy home life. So try to be as transparent and honest as possible because honesty is the best policy in this situation.