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Fighting or major conflict in any relationship can dramatically influence its outcome. If the conflict is not resolved, the results could be devastating to whatever future has been left for the couple.
Conversations are heated, accusations are thrown around, and hurtful words are addressed to the partner. A big fight in any relationship is very difficult to resolve, and the aftermath of the fight might be more difficult to deal with than the actual fight itself.
Why Reconnect After A Big Fight?
It’s important to understand that every relationship needs a bond of trust and intimacy. This is true regardless of how long you’ve been together (or married), regardless of what kind of history the two of you have, regardless of even how much or little love there might be between you.
You may not think this is important in your case, but you must find a way to reconnect after a big fight. This will positively affect your relationship, even if there is no love between you.
Things to Do After a Big Fight With Your Partner
If you can’t seem to calm down immediately, put some space between you
After you are calm, you can discuss the issue that caused the fight. However, it’s important to realize that there is no point in repairing things immediately.
It has been found that most couples’ anger dissipates within fifteen minutes of an argument or fight, but people are often surprised by how long they keep rehashing what happened well after their emotions have gone.
The best thing to do during this time is to take some space from each other. This way, you can calm down and not say hurtful or counterproductive things.
Put your situation in perspective
You might be at home getting ready for bed when suddenly your spouse becomes upset about something he/she saw on television and starts accusing you of having an affair. Maybe the reality of your situation is that you arrived home from work late and were too exhausted to talk about anything but to crawl into bed.
Understanding stress levels
The problem with big fights is what happens afterward.
If you do not deal with the aftermath properly, it could cause problems in your relationship that seem insurmountable.
When you are not getting along, it is much harder to deal with stress, leading to conflict in your relationship. Stress tends to exacerbate arguments and unearth the issues lurking under the surface for quite some time. It’s almost like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Don’t make assumptions
Making assumptions about your partner’s intentions during the fight can only lead to more confusion. It may be hard for him/her to get what you are saying simply because you’re not making sense.
If your partner misunderstands your meaning, it will be like talking to a brick wall.
Before the conversation reaches the point of no return, you need to take a step back and try to figure out what it is that your partner wants to say.
Ask yourself some tough questions
There are no easy answers here, but you’ll never find the solution if you’re not willing to ask the tough questions.
You must know how important this relationship is and how much your actions can hurt you.
Don’t hold grudges
Big fights tend to bring out the worst in people, but it’s important not to hold a grudge after the argument has ended. If you do this, it will only cause resentment and anger, making future conversations even more difficult.
Take responsibility for your actions
Don’t blame everything on your partner. This might mean having to swallow a big chunk of pride and carefully choosing what you say, but it’s an important step in repairing the relationship. If you don’t take responsibility for the things that went wrong, it will be very hard for your partner to trust you again.
Don’t give up
Everyone makes mistakes, even when they feel like their world is coming to an end.
You must continue striving for happiness with your partner. Even if the relationship feels dismal right now, good things are just around the corner!
How To Resolve A Big Fight?
## Resolve a big fight by giving space to your partner but never pushing him/her away
There is a fine line between space and isolation. If you want to make sure that the fight doesn’t cause irreparable damage to your relationship, it’s important not to push him/her away.
Remember that both of you need time before the fight has ended, so avoid doing things that will upset your partner even more.
If you find it hard to try and make amends after an argument, don’t feel bad about asking for some space. It’s better than making things worse by ignoring him/her completely.
Engage in a healthy conversation
You must try to show your partner that you care about his/her feelings after an argument.
However, simply saying “I’m sorry” can’t improve everything.
You need to explain the reasons behind your behavior to help your partner understand what happened during the fight and its effects on both of you. Even if it’s difficult, be honest and focus on the involved emotions.
Don’t assume what your partner is trying to say
Try not to interrupt your partner when he/she is talking because it could give the wrong impression of you being defensive.
Also, don’t make assumptions about what your partner wants to say since they might not be entirely accurate.
Take responsibility for your actions
Don’t blame everything on your partner, even if he/she is guilty of the same thing.
Don’t beat yourself up too much, but don’t ignore what you said or did wrong to avoid an argument with your partner.
By letting go of the pride and taking responsibility for your actions, you’ll be able to show that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to repair the damage done during the fight.
Don’t hold grudges
Never take everything personally. It’s healthy to have different opinions and agree to disagree. However, if you let resentment build up after an argument, it could have a very negative impact on your relationship.
Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and this means that you’re allowed to love again after the argument has ended.
Don’t give up
Even if it’s incredibly difficult to recover from an argument, don’t let go of trying to make things right with your partner.
Everyone deserves a second chance, so never give up on the relationship. People are imperfect, but this doesn’t mean you can’t show your love for each other even after an argument has ended.
Ways To Reconnect After A Big Fight
Communicate sincerely with your partner
Don’t think you can resolve a big fight without being honest about how you feel.
Tell him/her what you liked and disliked during the argument to show that he/she is valued even if things didn’t turn out in an ideal way.
However, while it’s important to be open about what you want, remember that there are some things you shouldn’t say.
Think about your next move before taking action
Don’t let the heat of the moment dictate your behavior. If you have any doubts about resolving a big fight, think carefully about what you plan to do so as not to make the situation worse.
Be careful with the follow-up steps you take because it could easily backfire.
Give your partner some space
Both of you need to calm down after an argument, so don’t resolve the fight immediately.
If you feel like he/she needs some time apart, give that person the space they need without pushing him/her away.
Remember that both of you need time before the fight has ended, so avoid doing things that will upset your partner even more.
If you find it hard to try and make amends after an argument, don’t feel bad about asking for some space. It’s better than making things worse by ignoring him/her completely.
Let your partner feel the impact of the fight
If you think that some time apart will benefit both of you, try not to show any signs of anger or sadness.
Don’t tell yourself “I don’t care,” as this means that you’re waiting for an apology from him/her, which is practically impossible at the moment.
You might not feel hurt at the moment, but try not to put on a brave face if you’re feeling any pain from the fight.
Don’t forget what made you fall in love with your partner
The argument didn’t change how you felt about him/her as a person, so take some time to think about how you felt before.
Remember why you were so madly in love with your partner because it could be beneficial to the relationship if both of you are willing to work things out.
Even if it’s initially difficult, try to rekindle the romance between you and your partner instead of just moving on without him/her.
Avoid giving cold shoulder to your partner
Avoid making your partner feel like you want nothing to do with him/her by acting cold and distant.
This could easily lead to another fight or cause resentment, which will make it harder for both of you to resolve the earlier one.
Remember that both of you are responsible for causing the argument in the first place, so try not to shut your partner out, as this will only make the situation worse.
Talk to your partner even if you don’t feel like it
Don’t let the argument end by throwing in the towel and saying that you’re willing to reconcile with him/her. You can try to resolve things without feeling ready, but avoid forcing yourself to talk about your feelings if you’re not ready to do so.
Remember that it’s your partner who fought for this relationship when he/she declared his/her love in the first place, so try to show the same level of affection by taking steps to fix what was broken between both of you.
If you can’t move on without understanding why your partner did what he/she did, then try to resolve the conflict as long as both of you are willing to do so.
Don’t cry wolf
Don’t threaten to end things with your partner if you’re not serious about doing it.
This is a recipe for disaster because your partner will immediately shut down and refuse to talk about the fight if he/she knows that you’re only going to threaten him/her with things you can’t do.
Don’t let your emotions lead the way by saying things you don’t mean because it will just make things worse.
If both of you have decided to close this chapter in your lives, then leave the stress behind and move on without him/her.
Think about the good times
You might not feel like remembering the good times you spent with your partner during the argument, but this could help you get back on track.
Don’t let the fight overshadow all of your good memories because these are still important to both of you.
Try to connect by sharing stories about the happy times when you were together and not focusing on the bad ones.
Worst case scenario, it might help to show your partner some photos or videos of happy times so that he/she knows what you want him/her to remember as well.
Acknowledge your part in the fight
It’s easy to remember everything your partner did wrong and keep thinking about these, but this could cause more damage than you think.
Don’t let your hurt feelings cloud your judgment because your anger will turn into resentment if you don’t acknowledge that both of you played a part in the argument.
Try not to say sorry too many times because this will make it difficult to believe.
Just say it once if you need to, but let your actions speak louder than just simple words.
Stick to your rituals
Try to make your partner feel important by visiting him/her during lunch breaks or doing small things to show him/her that you care.
This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to visit him/her if you don’t want it, but showing that you’re willing to go out of the way will surely make your partner happy.
Stick to your rituals, and don’t let the guilt of leaving him/her to fend for himself/herself get in the way.
You might be thinking that you’re just causing more pain because you won’t be able to do these things anymore, but trust me when I say that he/she will appreciate it if you stick to them even after you’ve decided to end things.
Frequently Asked Questions
What do I do if my partner refuses to talk about the fight?
Don’t let your partner shut you out because this will make him/her feel like he/she isn’t important to you anymore.
Try not to force yourself to talk about the argument because it will only put more pressure on both of you, but don’t just give up without even trying.
Do whatever you can to get the conversation started by showing that you still care about him/her because this could lead to something better in the long run.
What do I do if my partner blames me for the fight?
Don’t let your hurt feelings cloud your judgment when it comes to talking about what happened during the fight.
Don’t let your partner make you feel like you’re to blame for everything because this could lead to more misunderstandings in the future.
If he/she insists on making you feel guilty, then it would be best to end things with him/her because he/she might never change if you stay together.
What do I do if my partner makes a lot of excuses?
Don’t give in to your partner’s demands without thinking about the future because he/she might use this as an opportunity to blame you for things that happened in the past.
It’s fine to forgive and forget, but don’t let him/her manipulate you into believing his/her side of the story just so that you can get back together again.
Don’t let him/her get away with this because it will only worsen things in the future.
Conclusion
Making up after a huge fight can be difficult, but you’ll have to remind yourself that this is necessary for your relationship.
Don’t let the arguments overshadow everything you’ve been through together because these memories are still important to both of you.
Make sure that both of you understand each other’s side and try not to say sorry over and over again.
Above all else, make sure that your partner gets the message that you still care about him/her even if you have to go back to going through your old routines with them.
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