How to Stop Being Controlling and Jealous




How do I stop being insecure and controlling in a relationship

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Nobody likes feeling out of control or jealous – they can be two of the worst emotions to experience. But when you don’t know how to stop being controlling and jealous, it can threaten your relationships and make life feel pretty painful. It doesn’t have to be this way, though – if you’re willing to take a closer look at yourself, address patterns of behavior that aren’t serving you, and use proven strategies, anyone can learn how to manage these difficult feelings to create healthier dynamics with their loved ones. In this blog post, I’ll share some powerful tools for learning how to stop being controlling or jealous so that you can create more harmonious connections with those around you. Let’s get started!

how to stop being controlling and jealous

How to Stop Being Controlling and Jealous

Identify the source of your insecurity

Identifying the source of insecurity is essential to stop being controlling and jealous. It can be difficult to look within oneself and understand why certain behaviors, such as being overly protective or suspicious of others, are happening. However, with a bit of introspection and patience, it is possible to gain insight into why we feel insecure and what we can do to develop healthier, more trusting relationships.

By recognizing and acknowledging negative emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness underlying our controlling behavior and jealousy, we can learn how to better cope with those feelings so that they no longer sabotage our relationships. This way, we can practice more positive communication habits while becoming more secure in our interactions.

Be honest with yourself

Being honest with yourself is not always easy, but it is essential to overcoming a controlling and jealous attitude. Every time you find yourself succumbing to such behavior, it is necessary to take the time to examine why you are feeling this way. Are your reactions due to fear or insecurity? Identifying the root cause of your emotions can help you better understand why you are reacting in a certain way and overcome that behavior.

It can also give you the tools to deal with troubling emotions in healthier ways instead of allowing control and jealousy to overtake your thoughts and decisions. Honesty is how you make sure that you never fall back into those negative coping mechanisms again.

Talk to someone you trust

Developing trust in yourself and others is an essential part of overcoming feelings of being controlling and jealous. Finding someone you can talk to about your emotions and fears helps create a safe space for processing these issues. This confidante should be trustworthy and personable, as it will help foster an environment where open dialogue can occur.

Taking the time to talk through things that may be bothering or triggering you can help sort things out in your head and get to the root cause of the controlling or jealous behaviors. Once that awareness is present, steps can be taken towards changing those aspects of yourself, ultimately leading to greater freedom from those feelings in relationships with others.

Acknowledge and understand your feelings

Acknowledging and understanding our feelings allows us to deal with them healthily and effectively. Looking inwardly is crucial in curbing out-of-control emotions like jealousy and controlling behavior. Our feelings can be a powerful source of guidance; recognizing what we’re feeling and why can help us better address our inner struggles.

It’s important to remember that if you find yourself struggling with jealousy or controlling tendencies, there is always room for growth. With self-awareness and insight, you can make changes. Give yourself the space and opportunity to process your emotions to take steps towards greater peace of mind.

Take a step back

If you feel that you’re being overly controlling or jealous in a relationship, it can be helpful to take a step back. Recognizing the need to improve your behavior is often the first step, and allowing yourself some distance from the source of your negative emotions can be incredibly beneficial.

Taking a mental break from your struggles–whether through exercise, meditation, mindfulness practices, or simply walking out in nature–is essential to finding balance and inner peace. From there, it’s crucial to participate in honest conversations with loved ones about where those tendencies come from so you can work on addressing them without relying on external sources for validation: remember that self-love is always the answer!

Focus on yourself

Having feelings of control and jealousy can be powerful, but they can also lead to destructive behavior if not managed properly. It is essential to focus on yourself and what you want out of life to combat this. Taking responsibility for the way you are living and understanding the emotions you’re feeling will help put things into perspective. Seeking professional help when needed is a great way to uncover the underlying causes of such feelings and make positive life changes.

Remember that taking steps to better yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally will allow you to build the confidence to let go of any unhealthy urges that come with these emotions. Learning how to express yourself peacefully and creating healthy boundaries around your relationships are essential in regaining control over your emotions and behavior.

Challenge negative thinking patterns

It is essential to challenge negative thinking patterns so that you can differentiate between what is real and what isn’t. It is common for people feeling jealous or controlling to have an irrational outlook on situations, so it’s essential to address them head-on to move forward.

Focus on the positive aspects of relationships, and take time to appreciate the people in your life. Positive communication styles help open up more understanding and connection between yourself and those you care about. The goal is to shift away from negative thoughts that could lead to controlling or jealous behaviors and instead focus on how these feelings serve as an opportunity for growth.

Avoid toxic relationships 

It is important to stay away from relationships that trigger these unhealthy emotions. If you feel jealous or controlled in a special relationship, it’s important to take a step back and re-evaluate if this is your best environment.

When we recognize our feelings and understand why we react to certain situations in specific ways, we can make the necessary changes to avoid toxic relationships and ultimately create healthier bonds with those around us.

Develop self-confidence 

A self-confidence is an essential tool for avoiding feelings of jealousy and control. When our confidence is high, we can focus on the good in others instead of feeling threatened by their gifts and successes due to comparison and competition.

Rejecting comparisons and accepting ourselves can help us focus on developing our self-worth, allowing us to appreciate each person for who they are and celebrate their successes without competing or overshadowing them. Building self-confidence gives us the clarity to discover and practice healthy boundaries, assess potential relationships honestly, treat ourselves kinder, love ourselves more deeply, and cultivate compassion towards ourselves and others.

Set boundaries for yourself that you’ll follow

Setting boundaries for yourself can tremendously impact how you handle feelings of jealousy and control. Developing an awareness when these emotions start to arise will help you quell them before they become overwhelming. Having boundaries also help lessen the fear of rejection and encourages understanding when your needs are unmet.

Additionally, having clear personal boundaries provides consistency, which helps build trust with those around you – this ultimately leads to less stress in and out of relationships. Take the time to consider the type of boundaries vital to you, and ensure they are followed consistently. Doing so is an invaluable tool in allowing yourself to take a step back from controlling or jealous behaviors. 

Take control of your life 

Taking control of your life requires an honest assessment of yourself and your situation. By reflecting on the nature of your thoughts and emotional responses, you can gain greater insight into how your past influences the present. This awareness makes it easier to recognize when anger, jealousy, or a need to control situations arises from within.

Making a consistent effort towards self-regulation helps diminish controlling and jealous tendencies, as well as cultivate feelings of calmness and contentment that create peace within relationships. Finding new ways to express emotions healthily assists in taking back control so that feelings remain balanced in unthreatening and appropriate ways for everyone.

Stop comparing yourself to others 

When we compare ourselves to others, it can lead to feelings of jealousy and envy. These emotions come from a lack of self-acceptance – it’s essential to remember that everyone is unique and has their life journeys and experiences.

Instead of comparing yourself to others, take the time each day to focus on what you offer and the gifts you possess. This can help build your self-esteem and make you appreciate your successes rather than those of others.

Maintaining positive thoughts helps keep jealousy and control in check – by thinking positively, we can break the comparison cycle and become more content with who we are. Remember that any comparison you make to someone else is just that – comparison. It does not define who you are or what you can achieve.

Practice self-care 

Self-care is an essential element when it comes to overcoming feelings of jealousy and control. Taking the time for yourself to do activities that bring you joy can help foster healthy relationships with yourself and others and create a more positive outlook on life. It also allows us to practice self-love, reducing the need to excessively control or be jealous of those around us.

Remember that we are all on our journey in life, and no two paths are the same. Learning how to manage jealousy and control is an important step towards building self-confidence, setting healthy boundaries, and taking back control of your life. It can also help create peace within relationships – by understanding our own needs and wants, we can learn to be content with our life and accept those around us for who they are.

Spend time with supportive people

When tackling issues such as control and jealousy, we must have a supportive group around us. These individuals understand our anxieties and insecurities yet won’t tolerate them when we become possessive or overly controlling.

Toxic relationships can cause us to act in ways that prevent us from engaging with these people; if unchecked, this can become a damaging pattern. Taking the time to surround ourselves with positive, encouraging friends and family is essential if we’re to find better ways of managing our more destructive tendencies.

Through honest conversations where we learn to vent without judgment, identifying unhealthy cycles for what they are, and even just being around happy individuals who don’t feed into our black-and-white thinking, spending time with supportive people is an invaluable way to stop being controlling or jealous.

Have a wider perspective

Having a wider perspective can be a potent tool for controlling jealousy and reducing the need to be controlling. Wider perspectives allow us to move beyond our limited point of view, enabling us to gain insight into the motivations and feelings of those around us. Stepping back and reassessing a situation with this expanded perspective can help alleviate feelings of insecurity that lead to the need for control, instead allowing us to let go and find more peace in relationships.

Expanding our viewpoint makes us more patient, tolerant, understanding, and compassionate – qualities far more helpful than constantly trying to micromanage everyone else’s behavior.

Take responsibility for your actions

Taking personal accountability is where you need to start if you want to stop being controlling and jealous. Awareness of when your thoughts and emotions are leading you deeper into being possessive and manipulative of your loved ones is vital. Knowing how to recognize these patterns is the first step to creating a more balanced way of interacting with those around you.

Change starts from within, so acknowledge the insecurity underneath these behaviors, work through them, and practice better skills for communication and boundaries that bring out healthier responses. It may be difficult to separate yourself from past conditioning, yet refocusing on taking responsibility for your actions can have powerful healing effects in relationships.

How do I stop being insecure and controlling in a relationship

Let go and forgive the past

Learning to forgive and let go of the past is one of the most freeing experiences you can ever have. It allows us to break free from negative feelings like control and jealousy that arise from building up unresolved pain and hurt. You don’t have to forget the lessons learned from your past; instead, you can use that understanding as a tool for growth.

Embracing this freedom helps us eliminate negative emotions and opens ourselves up to deepen relationships with others through appreciation and gratitude. Taking action on letting go and forgiving lifts heavy burdens off our minds, allowing us to focus more on the current moment and manifest greater outcomes in our lives.


No one wants to be known as the jealous or controlling partner. If you are struggling with feelings of jealousy or control, help is available. Talk to a therapist about ways to work through these emotions, so they don’t ruin your relationship. With effort, you can learn how to stop being controlling and jealous and have a healthy, happy relationship.

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